All my life I thought it was me
I thought it was I who had suffered
but I see clearly now
It was you
You were the one that suffered
Bone marrow deep
You suffered
The poverty
The beatings
The paranoia
The feeling of
choice-less-ness
You wanted better for me
You said I was smart
You wanted me to have a chance
So you sent me away
on that big steel bird
Regret descended upon your heart
the moment
the bird took flight
Alone
I went
To the world of unknowns
I still cry for that little girl
Your baby
She must’ve been scared
Out of her mind
Scared
She needed you
She needed her sister
Crying “unni, unni” in her new strange home
Worlds apart, we are
Growing up without you
I wondered if you wondered
My hands
were they your hands
My face
how I hated my face.
How I needed you to tell me
as all mothers should
That you thought I was the prettiest girl
in the world
That above all else
what matters most is inner beauty
As I struggled with belonging
and self love
You struggled to survive
being divorced
being without a home
being separated
for years
from all of your children
How did you do it umma?
How did you find the courage to go on
each day?
How did you keep your faith
when you suffered so much?
I struggle now
with some guilt
that your life was so
so
hard
I was righteously selfish
for so many years
as the abandoned one
I don’t dismiss my feelings
They were valid
I was abandoned
And it hurts
But I see now
that I am not the only one in this story
More than anything
this is your story
Your story
as a Woman
as a Mother
This is your story
of Courage
Your story of Strength
Your story of Faith
I am in awe of you
I grieve the life we were not able to have together
For you
and for me
I grieve
With all my heart
Umma
I love you.
Love Poem
by Julie Young
All my life I thought it was me
I thought it was I who had suffered
but I see clearly now
It was you
You were the one that suffered
Bone marrow deep
You suffered
The poverty
The beatings
The paranoia
The feeling of
choice-less-ness
You wanted better for me
You said I was smart
You wanted me to have a chance
So you sent me away
on that big steel bird
Regret descended upon your heart
the moment
the bird took flight
Alone
I went
To the world of unknowns
I still cry for that little girl
Your baby
She must’ve been scared
Out of her mind
Scared
She needed you
She needed her sister
Crying “unni, unni” in her new strange home
Worlds apart, we are
Growing up without you
I wondered if you wondered
My hands
were they your hands
My face
how I hated my face.
How I needed you to tell me
as all mothers should
That you thought I was the prettiest girl
in the world
That above all else
what matters most is inner beauty
As I struggled with belonging
and self love
You struggled to survive
being divorced
being without a home
being separated
for years
from all of your children
How did you do it umma?
How did you find the courage to go on
each day?
How did you keep your faith
when you suffered so much?
I struggle now
with some guilt
that your life was so
so
hard
I was righteously selfish
for so many years
as the abandoned one
I don’t dismiss my feelings
They were valid
I was abandoned
And it hurts
But I see now
that I am not the only one in this story
More than anything
this is your story
Your story
as a Woman
as a Mother
This is your story
of Courage
Your story of Strength
Your story of Faith
I am in awe of you
I grieve the life we were not able to have together
For you
and for me
I grieve
With all my heart
Umma
I love you.
