This past summer my love for Kpop and all things hallyu continued to grow, so when given the opportunity to attend the Epik High concert in June I jumped at the chance. This would be my first Kpop concert and my inner teenage girl came alive at the thought of it. I enlisted my good friend, and fellow adoptee, Joy Lieberthal Rho to attend with me. And so, one night last June, two grown ass adult adoptees found ourselves at the foot of the stage right up under Tablo, DJ Tukutz and Mithra Jin, and loving every minute of it.
Joy and I were giddy from the time we met up for Korean BBQ before the show and even for days after. There was no one else I would have rather experienced my first Kpop show with other than Joy. Joy and I met in 2004 in the motherland at the first gathering of Korean adoptees in Korea. I had already known of Joy, as she is one of only a handful of pioneers in the advocacy arena for adoptees but we had not met in person until then. Sort of apropos that, although we both grew up in New York State, we would meet in Korea.
Since then, our friendship has grown. Although many adoptees can feel an automatic connection with one another, there are those with whom the connection goes beyond a common beginning, birthplace or experience. There are those with whom there is an understanding and similarity lying deep within us. This understanding and similarity is what drives us, as adoptees, as women, as people. This is Joy to me. Often times, she is able to complete my thoughts or sort them out in a way that I have been unable to verbalize myself. Honestly, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t love Joy and I hope she realizes the vast love and appreciation many hold for her.
Joy is one of a handful of adoptees that I know, who was able to teach herself Korean. (Envy!) This is something I never in a million years thought would be possible for me. When she told me that she learned a lot from watching Korean dramas, I originally poo pooed it as impossible. Everything about Korea and Korean culture being so sadly foreign to me at the time, I wouldn’t allow myself to dare to dream of re-learning my native tongue. Fast forward many years to present day as I now struggle to teach myself Korean, mostly through watching Korean dramas.
Back to the concert – Joy and I waved our neon glow sticks and allowed ourselves to fully enjoy the Epik High experience. As often happens to me as an adoptee, something deep within was triggered at the concert making me tear up and have to choke back the unexpected and inopportune tears. These unexpected moments always connect back to my original and fundamental loss through adoption. The loss of family, the loss of language, the loss of culture. As content as I may be as an adult now, this loss is ever-present, the foundation on which my life has been built.
And now here I am, trying to make-up for lost time. This discovery and embracing of Korean popular culture has caused, what a friend recently called, a reawakening of myself. I’ve had more fun in the recent past hanging out in K-town since I can remember. There are times when I’m sad that it took me so long to discover how beautiful my people and culture are but I try not to dwell in the sadness. Instead, I’ll just keep trying to make-up for all the lost time, feeling more alive, more connected in the process. Hopefully, that means there will be many more Kpop concerts in my future.
